I know I’ve written a few relationship posts (though mostly on my own relationship), but that does not in any way make me an expert. I’ve received quite a few emails about people asking me for relationship advice/ opinions. Umm. You’ve got the wrong person folks. The best advice I can give anyone with relationship issues is –get thee to a couple’s counsellor. I firmly believe that no two relationships are alike—what works for one person may not for someone else. What is considered the norm in a relationship [i.e. getting plastered and partying with paid naked Eastern European chicks before getting married and calling it a bachelor party] may not be remotely okay in someone else’s relationship [i.e. mine]. So asking me for my opinion or advice isn’t really going to be effective or helpful because I have my own schemas and perceptions that are most likely going to be different from everyone else’s.
Take the bachelor and bachelorette party scenario for instance—I believe that if you really feel like you need ‘one last night of freedom’ before tying the legal knot then you should really rethink getting married in the first place. Maybe you shouldn’t even be in a relationship. Maybe permanent commitment is not for you. Maybe you should wait until you grow up. But that’s just my opinion. And like I said before, some people are completely alright with their future spouses feeling up naked men or women before they get married. [Note: Indian women definitely get the short end of the stick for bachelorette parties. There may be tons of half decent Eastern European women to entertain Indian men, but there sure as hell ain’t a huge number of South American men to entertain the Indian ladies.]
Moving on from bachelor and bachelorette parties [and yes, it’s still a HELL NO to anyone who’s going to ask us about it again], I’m generally not much of an advice giver. I mean, I don’t want the responsibility of telling someone what I think they should do. Imagine that they actually go do it and get even more effed. At the end of the day, the whole thing is going to come back to me and bite me in the ass. Last weekend, someone asked me if I wanted to be their new best friend. In return, all I’d have to do was to listen to all their problems and give them advice. What the heck to do you say to an offer like that? ‘As fun as that sounds for me, I think I’m going to pass the golden opportunity. Thanks for the thought’ ? Instead I turned down the offer by saying I was too judgmental to be that kind of friend.
That’s actually true though, I once told a girl I couldn’t hang out with her anymore if all she was going to do was whine about this guy she was in a sort-of relationship with. By sort-of relationship, I mean he used to call her in the middle of the night for a booty call and she would oblige. She would also take him home cooked meals and obsess about what to wear and how her hair looked and other inane things. Then she’d come back the next afternoon with stars in her eyes about how he’s finally admitted that he loves her and he’d make it official any day. Her high would last for a total of two hours until she realized that he’d started ignoring her calls again. As sad as this situation sounds, I was in a sadder position of having to listen to her gush and then bitch about the same person again. And again. And again. And again. Until one day I couldn’t take it anymore and I told her exactly what I thought of her situation, which kinda ended with me telling her she should go to a shrink ASAP because she suffered from having an extremely low self esteem. Long story short, we aren’t friends anymore. There’s only so much I can do the ‘oh, he’s a jerk’ ‘oh, he’s too scared to admit he’s in love with you’ or ‘oh, he’s probably really damaged.’
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| Absolut: bringing an end to arguments between poor saps all over the world [generally me]. |
So at the end of the day, I guess what I’m trying [maybe successfully] to say is that—I’m no expert. A relationship is between the two [or more] people involved and legitimate problems should be resolved by a trained professional, not some random person on the internet [i.e. me]. I’m also not an expert on life matters or anything else really, so I’m not going to be that kind of friend who’s always doling out sympathetic advice—I’m too self centred to spend time doing such activities, comes with the territory of being an only child I suppose.
Ironically enough, I do have some advice at the end of post—for hot South American men. There’s a huge market for you in India as all Indian women have at the moment is this:
