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| Pic taken from: http://lilithlives.wordpress.com/2008/10/07/insobriety-2-or-how-to-get-out-of-an-awkward-mess/ |
~ Not extroverted enough. I can’t do the whole TALK TALK TALK TALK BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH thing. Unless you give me a few drinks. Alcoholism vs. extraversion. Well, they do say life is full of tough choices.
~ Not competitive enough (it really is a jungle out here of the ‘dog eat dog’ variety). Or at least dog eat pig variety. I once saw a starving stray dog eating the carcass of a dead pig on the side of the road in Gurgaon. And then I saw a fat stray dog eating the carcass of a dead cow in the side of the railway tracks a few months later. So much for the holy cow. Here’s the lesson kids—don’t look outside of your window.
~ Not aggressive enough. I’ve said this before, but the biggest jerk always gets the best service. Is this a remaining effect of colonialism, or is it because jerk tends to be synonymous with rich in this region, and rich automatically deserves a$$ kissing? I have no clue. But I’ll do my best to be a ‘pretend a$$hole’ because I too want good service, dammit.
~ Not shrewd enough. Seriously. What’s the point of having domestic help if you’re paranoid 24/7 about how they might steal fuel from your car, steal money from your wallet (therefore you should know the exact amount of money you have in your wallet every second of the day), steal booze from your kitchen cabinet, murder you in your sleep, kidnap your children?
Doesn’t that turn you into some sad, poor sap of a character from some kind of a Shakespearean tragedy? In fact, I think I’m turning into one already. Yesterday, I was convinced that someone stole Rs.1000 from my wallet, just to later realize that I ‘ate’ the money. Thanks to the office food delivery dude, I kinda ordered Macdonald’s and Nirula’s every day and probably gained 10 lbs in the process. So make that a FAT poor sap of a character from some kind of a Shakespearean tragedy.
~ Don’t come from a rich enough background (oops, too personal). Actually, don’t come from a rich background, period. I get taken aback sometimes when I realize just how much money people are used to spending every week.
~ Too cynical yet too naïve at the same time—a naïve cynic so to speak. Impossible you say? That’s because you haven’t met me yet.
~ Don’t have enough energy to keep up with the people here. I go to sleep after two glasses of wine dammit, can’t stay awake and keep drinking alcohol till 4 in the morning. Maybe I should email my doc in Canada to refill my ADHD medication. I don’t even know if ADHD exists here, let alone whether they allow slow release Dexedrine to be sold in pharmacies. Can’t imagine going to an Indian doctor and saying I need to be medicated because I can’t concentrate on things that I’m not interested in. He or she would probably send me home with ‘it’s called being human.’
~ One of the other, non-personal, reasons I feel a little out of place in India is that I don’t have a strong national identity. I’ve said this before, but people here are really patriotic. Now don’t get me wrong, people here complain a lot. Like, A LOT. But at the end of the day, they are behind their country 100%...make that 110%. They identify with the place and are very proud to call themselves Indians. And they’ve kinda grown desensitized to the ‘dog eat pig’ scenery outside.
I like being Canadian, it’s a country I can very easily call my home. But I don’t have the MY COUNTRY IS THE BEST attitude.
I can’t say I have a strong Nepali national identity. I don’t think it’s the most beautiful country in the world as it is often promoted. Heck no. But then again, I’m more of an ocean person than a mountain person. Lying on the beach with a margarita in my hand and tanning in the sun beats going trekking to get a view of the Himalayas, getting robbed by Maoists on the way, having no access to clean running water and modern plumbing facilities once you get there any day.
So where does that leave me?
Confused.
So what’s new.
